Hall+of+Fame+1

Lightening, Kitty Cat and Awesomeness235 Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page 2! Here is a new page to enter your fantastic new opening story lines, paragraphs, and soon full story. ​ This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other story staters, paragraphs, and stories you read. **Two stars are positive things** you see in the story and **your wish is constructive feedback ** on how to specifically improve the story. So, to recap....which means go over again, post your writing here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the writing better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you! ​ ​ Note: All stories and comments need to be on this page. Please do not use the discussion area for postings

Far far away in a very dark place there was a vampire in the darkness. Oh no he's going to kill me ahhhhhhhhhhhhh help me ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhh im dead ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh

Hi, First off, I'm not sure who posted this story about the vampire, which is confusing for the readers! Please add a title and your writer's name. Thanks. I like this one minute story. One star, it's a clever vignette (little piece). One wish: name and title. Thanks. Mrs. S.

A star - your beginning has a sense of drama. A wish - you find a way to develop the sense of dread. Mr. Saltys -.

Hi Awesomeness - My star for you is that you have a lot of mystery in your opening sentence, (a vampire in the darkness). My wish is for you to continue the stories mystery, and avoid using ahhhh repetitively. Mrs. Eitzen The Biggest Race By Kitty cat

There was two days, two days till the big race and there was problems big problems “Why” I thought to myself “Why is this happening” It had started Wednesday afternoon I walk into the stables to check on my race horses, but when I walked in I only saw five horses “Ginger must just be resting” I said. But as I neared the stall, but she still did not stick her head out "I must have let her out to eat in the field" But she was not there.

Hi Kitty Cat. I too liked your opening sentence but I'll wait before I add any more comments as the story needs finishing. Mrs. S.

I like your opening senctince its catchy and its not finished and I would like to read because your story mite be interesting By Awesomeness235

Hi awesomeness235 hear is my two stars and one wish a star is I think your story will be interesting so please keep writing more. another thing is I like how you tell us that it is in a far away one thing you could take out some of he ahh out and add descriptive words kitty cat 2010 Hi Kitty Cat. I geneally do not like repetitive statments like "problems, big problems", but I think it really added to the mystery you are trying to convey to the reader. My wish is that you show rather than tell your audience what is going to happen. Mrs. Eitzen

= Once apon a time there were to girls named Gabby and Kristin. They were walking in the woods when they saw something glow. They went to go check what it was. They thought it was an old pop can. When they got close to it they saw that it wasn't a pop can it was a portal. When the got closer, Gabby got sucked in and then Kristin got sucked in right after her. When they were done teleporting they saw that there where castles and kings and queens. There was this one queen she was very selfish. She was the richest queen of all. She had dimonds and rubys as her walls but in her bedroom was a knight in shining armor. The reason why there was a knight in shining armor is because she sometims gets lonely, and that's the only person that she has to talk to. There is one more reason she wants to get married. So her dream is to have someone come in her window and say marrie me. Ok, back to Gabrielle and Kristin. They started walking around and they saw people practice fighting, so when the time comes they know what to do. They walked up to a castle and there was a princess sitting in a window with = = extreamly long hair. Kristin asked Gabrielle if her name was Rapunzil. I dont know. Look at her hair! Oh my gosh I think that is Rapunzil. Lets ask her if she is Rapunzil Gabby said. Ok. So they went in the castle to see if that girl was Rapunzil. When they reached the room that she was in they opened the door and the girl came running out and started to hug them. They asked why are you hugging us? The girl said don't you know who I am? We might we came up here to ask you if you are Rapunzil. Yes finnaly someone rememers who I am! So then you are rapunzil? Yes, yes, I am why do you ask? = = Your hair its a beatufil give away. Oh thank you. Lets get out of here before that evil witch gets here. Wait, wait evil witch? The witch that keeps me here, she keeps me hostage. Ok, well then lets hurry and get out of here. When they got out of the castle the people saw an unfamiliar face. So, the people told the king that there was an intreder. The king sent his gaurds to find this person and put him in jail. When they saw Rupunzil they chased them into the forest where oversized venus fly traps live. The worst thing that lives there is...the ragon he relenless he nose all eats all. Oh and I forgot to tell you his name is dudley. Ummm that dosent sound like a very vishice name. I no thats why he is always so mad. His name. Ok well then lets get going to find dudley. What what what. I M NOT GOING NEAR SOME FAKE OUT DRAGON!!!! I AM NOT GOING TO BE GETTING EATEN BY THAT DAGON EITHER.Gabby said. Ok, now you are just being a baby. Before you wanted to jump off a clif well...I am over those days. Kristin went up to rupunzil and said lets go find Duddley. Gabby didnt hear what Kristin said. So she didnt no that they were going to find that dragon. When they arrived at a cave they walked in and they saw something move they didnt no what it as but when they got closer to the figure they saw a big ball of come towords them. They all sreamed. Rupunzil said to kristin theres D  uddley. Rupinzil what do we do to make him go away Kristin said frightend. We have to kill him. WHAT! I AM NOT GOING TO KILL A ONE THOUSAND YAER OLD BEAST! Kristin said. We have to kill him or else how are we going to get you back to the portal so you can get back to your own time. Well did you guys bring your swords? Uh no why would we have swords when we are not form this time. Ok then you stay here with scardey cat right here. Count to 10 and I'll be back out. So they started to count to ten. 1,2,3,4,5......and she came back out right when they stopped at 10. Ok lets get you home Rupunzil said. When they got to the portal they all said there good byes and headed in to the portal and they all lived happily ever after. =