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Missing pancakes by legoman124

“Lay out the spikes now” shouted the police officer. The spikes rolled over the road right in front of the thieves van. Pop, pop, the tire rubber blew all over the road and the back of the van blew open. Pancakes flew everywhere the eye could see. Police officer got barraged by pancakes, Then the thief cranked it to the left into an alley. By the time the police office got to the ally he was gone. The van was still there but the thief was gone. So they investigated the van, all there was pancake everywhere. So they went back to the base and reported that the robber got away to the police chief,“I remember when it first started” said the chief, “It was may, 13, 1992 at pancake are fun then waffles and many more.”

“I guess we'll have to hire detective sherlock homeless to find the thief exclaimed the police officer. 10 hours later he was the case looking for any clue the thief could of left. “But nothing” moaned sherlock homeless, “where could he be.” Suddenly a piece of paper fell from the van onto the ground with an address on it. 1324 Apple Street Idaho, “haha” shouted sherlock homeless, “we got him now.” That day, they smashed the door down and found a secret lab but there is one problem, the thief wasn't there.

“What, were is he” whispered the police office, they walked outside “oh were could he be” muttered sherlock homeless “wait I know he's at the festival to sell the pancakes.” They went to the festival to look and to find the thief. There he handcuffed the thief and threw him into the police officer's car. He got 26 years in jail, Buste d!!!!! The End

Hello legoman. Following the feedback we talked about in class I am writing two good things about your writing and one area I think you should work on next. What follows is the two stars and one wish - Star 1 - Your story follows a clear logical order. A little more information after paragraph one and your story will make more sense yet! Star 2 - You have used some dialogue to tell the story, but it is not too much in amount. 1 Wish - If you want to use dialogue, you need to make sure you know the proper punctuation for it. Please come see me and I can show you what changes are needed. If you know one or two more rules about dialogue, your story will rapidly improve.

Thanks. - Mr. Saltys

Little Town Big Problems By erkyperk08

“Hey, give me a little space here I'm trying to work,” exclaimed detective Bob Smith. “Yes, Yes right away sir what ever you need to figure out this mystery,” answered one of the squad members.

“It was a nice day in the little town of Rumsey so no one would have suspected that there was a meth lab in town. That very day there was an explosion at the meth lab and detective Bob Smith is trying to figure who and why they did this horrible thing. Now for a person who had seen and heard this explosion when he was quietly sleeping in bed and a big bang happened, now this is James Hardy handing the microphone over to the local.” “Well there's not much to say all I heard was a big bang at 2:30 in the morning so I got up in my robe to see what had happened. Like who would be up at 2:30! I had seen someone running away but couldn't identify who it was. That house is a split one so it could had been a person from either family.” “Well this is James Hardy singing off from ABC News.”

The detective was sitting there looking at the clues that were lying on the street(by the way there are only like 5 streets in Rumsey). Picking up a piece and while looking at it it started to drip onto the pavement. The detective looked up to see that one of the windows from the house was smashed. Maybe someone was trying escape from the explosion. Maybe a wife that he hated or she just made that man really mad.

Detective Bob told the police chief his theory of what had happened and that the only way to find out is to find the man that was suspected. I think the detective thought that this was a tiny town and it would easy to trace him. The locals knew that this guy was sneaky and there was a very slim chance that they were going to find him. But they probably knew more than us so the police were on their way to go and find him. The detective started looking in the back yard, he pulled back a branch and found a man standing there that matched the picture of the person that lived in the house. The man tried to run but the detective stopped him before he got away. Detective Bob just wanted to ask some questions about what had happened. Some of the questions were. Did you have a wife that hated you? Did she smash the window? Most importantly, did you make the explosion? The guy knew that he wasn't going to get out of this so he just confessed.

He went to jail and for detective Bob Smith, well he was known to be one of the best detectives of his time. As for Rumsey, everything went back to normal, you know, nothing happening, quiet, and no more explosions.

Following the feedback we talked about in class I am writing two good things about your writing and one area I think you should work on next. What follows is the two stars and one wish - Star 1 - Your story beginning is interesting and action packed. You establish a setting and a character right away -very good. Star 2 - Your organization develops the story in a probable way.You have created a sense of mystery very well. Wish - I wish you would develop the "local" character. I mean this in several ways. First, describe this local person. The interesting stuff of life is in the details. Describe his clothing. Tell us about his habits. Exaggerate it so that we can see it. You can gently poke fun at it if you stretch things a bit and emphasize the unusual. How about concluding the story with how things changed after that. Rumsey may be a more interesting and varied place than you might think. Thanks for an interesting story. I look forward to seeing your revisions. - Mr. Saltys

Pancake Blowup =By Reggtony= One beautiful Sunday afternoon bear was out for a stroll and an odd event happened. Anyways when bear turned the corner to get to the intersection there was a big BOOM. At first bear thought it was a bomb but it wasn't. But bear was surprised because there was pancakes flying all over the place. Then it cured to bear, the big boom must have been a pancake truck, so bear's curiosity took him and he wandered over to the scene of the accident. By the time he got there the cops and ambulances were already there, bear was wondering if anyone was hurt so he trotted over and asked a policeman if there was anyone hurt. The cop replied “No one was injured. Three men were walking through a crosswalk and I guess the pancake truck driver didn't see them, but at the last second he caught a glance of them and swerved over and hit a light pole and the truck blew up and the pancakes flew all over the place. But at least everyone was OK.” He kinda chuckled after he told him. Bear wanted to go see the three friends and see I they were OK. “Oh my gosh!” Bear was so surprised because the three guys were his best friends!! bear was so happy that they were OK. After everything was sorted out they all went over to bears house to have a party.

Following the feedback we talked about in class I am writing two good things about your writing and one area I think you should work on next. What follows is the two stars and one wish - Star 1- Your story begins with an interesting and startling event and follows with a clearly organized series of probable events. Star 2 - Your story has a friendly and inviting sense of everyday life. You make the reader feel at home. 1 Wish - I am confused by bear ... if it is a nickname it should still be capitalized. Sometimes you capitalize the name and sometimes you do not -why is this? Also, I would like to see a more developed ending so I understand the Bear character. I look forward to seeing the improved version of your story. Mr. Saltys

The Pancake Fight By Kraft.dinner05 It was June 21st, a hot sunny day in Rumsey. I was playing outside in the cool air. All of a sudden I heard sirens. The sirens came closer. I didn't know what to do, so I went inside my old house. It was the police and ambulance speeding to my neighbor's house. I looked out the window. They knocked on our neighbor's door, he didn't answer. I was curious about what they were doing, so, I kept on watching. They broke down the door, which snapped like a twig. A detective came, he was investigating the spots of something on the ground, I didn't know what it was. There was a guy police and a girl police. They said that their names were Dez and Leo. They each had a dog it was always sniffing the spots. I asked my mom to come and look. She came she was surprised. Her and I went outside and asked what was going on. Leo came over and said that they found this guy who had a pancake fight. My mom was shocked. She told Leo that she was this guy's neighbor. He told her that she had to answer some questions. She went with him meanwhile I stood in the crowd with all the other people in the community. When I was standing there I saw our neighbor sneak out the back door. I followed him. I shouted “Rick Rick. He started to run. So I ran after him. He finally stopped. I asked him” is this true”. He replied”Yes”. I shouted” you should go and tell them what happened”. He hollered “okay I guess I will tell them what happened”. “Okay that is good for you” I answered. When we got back, the detective figured out the the spots were pancakes. When we got back Rick told them everything and he had to clean up all the pancakes. My mom and everyone was proud of me, so I guess I was kind of a hero.

Following the feedback we talked about in class I am writing two good things about your writing and one area I think you should work on next. What follows is the two stars and one wish - Star 1 - You have an interesting beginning to your story. Your characters are doing likely things and you have described it so well I can picture it in my mind. Star 2 - Your character's actions seem probable. Wish - A wish I have is that your characters Rick and Leo are developed a little more. What are they like? Do they like to play practical jokes on each other? How did the events take place? Just what was the pancake fight about? Where did it take place? What caused it? A story can exaggerate events and you can have some fun with it too. Keep polishing your masterpiece. Thanks for having the courage to share your writing like this. It is how it gets better. Mr. Saltys

The Father's Danger “Boom!” came a huge bang from Willow street of Bonneville. Police flooded the street with ambulances and fire trucks close behind them. Outside, Mimi Wiese was yanking the door to her father's pancake truck which was just arriving home after traveling to Edmonton. “Creak!” the door went, Mimi let out a shrill scream seeing her father bloody body. Two puncture wounds in his neck, Mimi carefully unhooked the seat belt. Gently grabbed her fathers arms and removed him from the truck. Mimi unsure of what to do screamed“Mama!”Her mother came rushing out of the house concern stricken on her face when she spotted her husband's body laying on the ground and Mimi hunch over him. “Run inside and call 911” hollered Mimi's Mother through streaming tears, Mimi raced through the door grabbed the phoned and dialed 911 in a heart beat. “Help help!” Mimi cried through the phone “what seems to be the problem young lady?” asked the man on the other line “My father needs help” Mimi continued in tears “okay whats your address?” asked the young man calmly “112 on willow street” “help is on the way” continued the man. He continued to ask questions when 5 minutes passed the emergency vehicles paramedics jumped out of the ambulance carrying a stretcher, put Mimi's father up on it, Mimi and her mother jumped in the ambulance headed for the hospital. Three hours Mimi and her mother had sat in the waiting room, Dr. Smith exited the emergency doors and came over to talk to the patients family Mimi jumped up ready to ask about her father when her mother forced her back down into the chair “Mr. Weisse has had two punctures to the neck and will require some surgery to make sure there is no bacteria or anything that could possibly kill him” told Dr. Smith “one minute please” asked Mimi's mother “go home Mimi I will be home very soon I promise” Mimi's mother spoke gently “Okay mama” responded Mimi. She wandered home feeling very upset about her father, when she arrived home there were police cars all over the street, one man stood out of hundreds of detectives, he was looking at all the pancakes laying on the ground. Silently she went toward her house, suddenly Mimi felt a hand on her shoulder she turned and coward beneath the extremely tall man “Excuse me young lady could you please fill me in on what happened this mourning about 9:37” he asked “sure I guess” responded Mimi told her story about her father. “I see” this tall kept saying ever few minutes, when she finally ended her story he asked “would you like to find out who did this to your father?” “sure why not” Mimi replied excitedly. “Ruff Ruff” the neighbors yappy jack Russel woke Mimi from the most scariest dream ever, which she was happy it ended, today the detective was coming to do some investigating with Mimi as his partner. “Ding dong” Mimi jumped out of her seat to answer the door dressed in her sherlock home Halloween costume she had used a few years, which still fit, surprising. “hello Mimi” greeted the detective, “are you ready to be a detective?” “Oh yeah am I ready” replied Mimi jumping up and down like she was at a concert. Mimi and the detective strolled down the street looking for clues, Mimi having small fingers decided to looked at the grate there was a small piece of fur stuck between the bars, with her tiny fingers she grabbed the fur, 3 centimeters from her face she notice the smell of her fathers cologne “Detective, Detective come over here I found something” hollered Mimi so the Detective could hear her. He hurried over to where she was, “Oh wow that looks like rat hair” responded the detective looking at the hair “I have a solution to what injured my father, The rat smelt the cologne thought it was food bit my dad as he struggled to get it of his shoulder, my father tipped the van spilling frozen pancakes over the road” stated Mimi excitedly, she has just solve the mystery of her father. The next day Mimi visited her father in the hospital he had went into surgery the following mourning, there was nothing in his body that could possibly kill him. She told him that She was the one who had discovered that he had been bitten by a rat. Mimi, her mother and her father lived for quite awhile when Mimi's father passed away after fighting a battle with lung cancer. Mimi's Father had slipped away as Mimi held his hand wishing for him to have died a more peaceful way.

Day at the lake

by mhchallenger One day i was so excited Hodge, Carlos, Deberk and Tyo were driving down the road and went passed the small town of Morrin. their was a pancake on the road so we said “lets go look whats going on” so we turned in the town holy moly look at all those pancakes laying on the ground we looked on the side of the road and their was a pancake truck crashed. But the driver wasn't their it was a thief. The driver was still their but the thief wasn't their we said to the cop that we would look for them. So we drove to the lake to fish but we seen a guy at the lake and their was something wrong with him.

The guy was eating a pancake so we asked him where he got it from he looked at us in the meanest way ever. I was scared, I thought he was on drugs. Carlos, Debrek, Tyo and I was continue to fish but when we walk away we called the cops and they said were be their in 10 minuets ok but we will keep a eye on him. The cops was their so we told them where he was we looked back and he wasn't their anymore I didn't know where he went the cop said I thought you keeped a eye on him well yea but I had to take a pee and he must of ran but what about Debrek, Carlos and Tyo where keeping an eye on him well he was suppose to but he didn't. Well he was near the lake so the cops got a search team to find him. All of sudden we heard dogs braking so we ran over their the dog have found the man we check his pockets and we found the pancakes and thats not all we found we also found some drugs so he went to jail for a long time. We continue to fish and we caught 10 fish we packed it up for the night. The end

Hi Mhchallenger here's some feedback on your story you could use some punctuation some of the feedback is you need to indent your story but other then that its okay

By Awesomeness235

The Pancake Prank “... I was getting the paper this morning, and, and there were all of these brown, soggy pancakes covering the street!” “ What will happen? What will they find? This is Anna Smith, signing of for Calgary News.” The camera man signaled the end of their broadcast and packed everything up in the van. “ OK, this is what we think happened. 9:00pm, everyone on Nose Hill was asleep in their bed,It kept that way until about 4:00am. 4:00am, Then a truck was slowly driving the streets dropping the pancakes all over. Then all of a sudden, it was 8:40 in the morning and 50 wet pancakes were covering the street.” The chief looked almost impressed with their assumption of what had caused the big, soggy, mess, but he was to wait for a professional before they jumped to any conclusions. Down the street, a man with his tie stuck in the door of the taxi, was signaling to the chief and his partner. The police men were talking about the man who got his tie un-stuck from the door of the vehicle was walking toward them, “ Who is that?” They chief questioned, “ Um, that's the detective.” He looked worried as he said that. “ What happened to Tim?” “ On vacation, this is his trainee .” By now the detective had reached them. “ Hello genties, my name is Bob, detective Bob.” He stuck his hand out to shake. They grabbed his hand unsure, one at a time, and shook his hand. “ Nice to meet you......” “ Detective Bob” “ Yes, nice to meet you detective Bob.” Detective Bob was on the ground now, looking suspiciously at the breakfast food on the ground. “ What happened here?” He asked poking the pancakes with his finger, “ Well, that's why your here detective.” He was smiling now, happy that someone was actually calling him something professional. He took out a pencil from behind his ear, and picked up a pancake. He held it close to his face, examining it, smelling it...... eating it, “ Um.... Raspberry syrup, very good. I suspect it was a male teen. With a rusty pick-up truck that is a bad egg.” The Police men were silent in awe, “ How did you get all of that by eating it?” The Detective shrugged, and was moving into the passengers seat of the police car. “ I have a question for the man in the pajamas.” “ Can we take a look at your security cameras Mr. Man-in-the-pajamas?” The detective was now only with the chief as he was carrying on with his investigation. The man was not happy he called him that, but nodded and gave them the tape. Back at head quarters, they were looking at the tapes with hopeful eyes, waiting for some evidence. Finally, the criminal showed his face, “ Thats Jimmy Reed, I know his father” They got in the police car with the sirens blaring and going 80mph .Then they got to the Reed's house, Jimmy's mother was very shocked with the fact that the police men were here for him, “ Jimmy, there are some people here to see you!” She yelled in to the 2nd floor “Coming!” screamed a boy, they assumed it was Jimmy. Thudding signaled that he was coming down the stairs. As soon as he saw the men with badges and tazers, his big smile faded with worry. He was defiantly guilty. “ Why 'd ya do it Jimmy?!” The detective shone the light in Jimmy's eyes. It was blinding considering that they were in a small room in the police station, “ I-I don't know what you're talking about,” “ Of course you do Jimmy, do you like pancakes Jimmy?” He was staring at the so called criminal, the same way he was at him. “ No way,” he said, breaking the short pause, “ I hate um.” The detective smirked, “ I bet you don't like raspberry syrup to, eh?” Without a second to think, he irrupted, “ Are you kidding, thats the worst thing made since Brussels sprouts!!” The griller was happy with his work, “ Face it Jimmy, you know you did it. It all leads up to you.” Jimmy was worried. Beads of sweat rolled down his face, “ Fine! I did it! I don't know why I did. I don't like pancakes or raspberry syrup. Gosh, It was just a prank. Please don't send me to jail! Please, please, pleeeeeaaaaassseee!!!” His hand where together as he was begging. “ Not jail, but I do have punishment for you................” “ Hey, ya missed a spot!” a growl of annoyance came out from the foam covered police car as the detective drank a Pepsi and read a magazine inside the vehicle that Jimmy was cleaning for his community service he was sentenced too for pulling the pancake prank. “ I love my job,” he stated, “ It's very amusing.”

The Pancake War

It all started March 21st 1979 in the town of Honeysuckle it was the mayor's birthday which was also the first day of spring. This was the same as any other spring. When celebrating the first day of spring as well as the mayor's birthday each year they would have a pancake breakfast. It was all going as planed when someone threw a pancake when it hit someone it turned into a food fight. When suddenly the mayor went down someone yelled “no!” and everyone looked at the mayor. Someone called the Police. Someone else called the Ambulance. Then another person called a Detective. Fifteen minutes after the mayor awoke the Cops, Ambulance and Detective where all here the Detective looked around and he knew someone had pulled a prank.

The brother's

By Awesomeness235

Day 1: One day my friends and I walked down the street we saw the cops driving by so we just ran cause we all stole five energy drinks and we thought they were coming for us. Oh ya I forgot about our names were Reggy, Mitch-o, Rin tin tin, Ty-o, Carlos, and myself. Day 2: After a long day we were so tiered that we left Ty-o on the roof top and we left Rin tin tin in the middle of no were. Well its been two days and a long two days and its almost day three. Day 3: Its sunny out and the beginning of day three has started well today we do have much to do well there mite something we can do oh we have something to do we have to go look for Rin tin tin and Ty-o. The final day was coming fast we didn't have much time to find them well we already knew where Ty-o was so we went to get him on the way home but he wasn't there so we kept driving down the road. Here on Mckenzie falls road hey look there's Rin tin tin so we pulled over to pick him up, hey Rin tin tin hop in were going back home cause Ty-o is getting maried. Day 4: Today Carlos is getting maried to ugly Betty after that we partied and partied.

The End