Hall+of+Fame+11

Princess Purple, Angel, and percyfan1 Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page 2! Here is a new page to enter your fantastic new opening story lines, paragraphs, and soon full story. ​Edit This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other story staters, paragraphs, and stories you read. ** Two stars are positive things ** you see in the story and **your wish is constructive feedback ** on how to specifically improve the story. So, to recap....which means go over again, post your writing here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the writing better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you!  ​ ​ Note: All stories and comments need to be on this page. Please do not use the discussion area for postings

Drown in lies by PrincessPurple **As I watch the last bubbles of air escape. Her lips close for a final time. Her eyes dull, their sparkle gone. Her short brown hair like a sandy halo around her head. Her skin turns cold and icy**. //**Come Back!**// **I call out, yet in her body there is no presence. No life. She is gone lost forever, to the murky green water called the sea. Then as if by magic her hand lifts, yet it is only the the waves rolling up onto the sandy shore.**

2 stars 1 wish hello PrincessPurple, I really like your paragraph 1 star- very descriptive ( Her eyes dull, their sparkle gone) 1 star- very good variety of sentences. 1 wish- I would like you to finish the story Please! pf1

Hello Princess Purple! The opening of the paragraph is a real grabber. I got a strong visual image of someone floating down in water with bubbles escaping up. It seemed like it was slow motion and that was due to the way you crafted the sentences! Another star is the imagery of her hand almost waving goodbye but it's the waves rolling and pushing her. I echo PF1 by saying, "Please, finish the story!" Mrs. Smith

Hey Princesspurple 1 star- Awsome story I really loved the discription of how her dull eyes their sparkle gone 1 Star- liked the plot and story line 1 wish- Finish the story

Dear princess purple I really like your story and the description of the last breath and close of there eyes and mouth for the last time. I have really enjoed your writing. From saratoo

Hello Princess Purple. Your beginning is memorable. The occasioanl fragment really made me think.Your sentences sound musical and poetic. I look forward to more. Mr. Saltys

Hi Princess Purple -I loved your opening paragraph, I can picture the scene in my head. You also do a good job of using descriptive words and showing rather than telling. My wish is that you finish this story, so that I can read it. Mrs. Eitzen.

**The Impossible Truth** by Angel

Jenny forgot a bag out in the car I was feeling nice so I decided to ask if she wanted me to go get it she said she wouldn't mind. I was walking to the car minding my business when it hit me. I was laying on the ground face down something in the middle of my back. //A Knife// I thought. I couldn't move I was paralyzed in pain. Questions rolled through my head. How had this happened? Why did this happen? Who did this? I tried screaming for help, but it was no use I was slowly fading.

Hi Angel! Your paragraph is very nice! 1 star- I really like how you put in the questions at the end 1 star- It was very descriptive 1 wish- I actually have 2 wishes(no offence ) one is to finish the story, the other is about the the first sentence. I like the idea of why you went out side, but it's a little strait on. pf1

Hey Percyfan I put why she was going outside so if some people didn't understand they could know why she went outside1

Hi Angel. A star I have for your story is you pulled the reader into the action and plot right away. Another star I have is your title. It makes me wonder what could be impossible! A wish I have is to keep the story going! Mrs. Smith

Hello Angel. A star I have for you is that your story opening uses a clear pattern that makes it easy to follow. A wish I have is that your main character here does not get killed! Mr, Saltys

Hi Angel. Your opening paragaph really pulled me into the story right away, and made me want to read more. It left me wondering if the main character is going to die, and if she does, how will the story progress from her. I hope that you finish your story soon, so that I can continue reading it, and answer all of these questions. - Mrs. Eitzen

**Hide and seek** By percyfan1 The sun shone through the rustling leaves of the poplars, making the small pond beneath, sparkle like a million diamonds,but something was wrong. There, in the trees, a man, repulsive and ugly, with no hair and black eyes was pulling a woman,19, with a bag over her head , hands tied, and the shape of a ball gag in her mouth preventing her to scream for help.(He didn't need another reason to go to jail.) She was brave and courageous, trying to get free from the wicked man. She didn't go to far, the man was armed with weapons, illegal in Canada, so obviously ,she wouldn't try anything to Jurassic. He was enjoying this. Wouldn't you if this was what you do for a living. Sure a dozen arrests here and there, but wouldn't it be fun tormenting people and then eventually killing them. He had to let out a smirk at the oh so perfect victim. He thought of what he would do with her, so much he already did, he didn't want a cliché, that would defiantly end badly..... For him. Little did he or she know, a super hero was soon on his way. This is Ken. He is 22 years old and very muscular. He plays football and has an unbelievable job that pays very well. You would think that he would be the one to save this lady from her possible and most likely death, but the hero of our story is Bob. He is 19, not muscular. He's the water-boy for a football team,(coincidently the same team that ken was on). He flips burgers at McDonald's,and gets, well, not very good pay. He's clumsy, cowardly and weak. Not you're average superman, but you will see....... “ Woo! We really smoked them suckers good! Where's the water boy, I'm thirsty hear!!” Ken had just finished his best game yet and Bob was hurrying to the waiting team, he wasn't going to fast, since he was tripping over the benches, trying not to spill the drinks. He was not successful. “ Um, here you go ,”Bob whispered tiredly, he passed little cups a 2 fifths full to each player, he overheard them talking about a missing person, a women. They had a lead on who had kidnapped her. Meanwhile, the man who //had// kidnapped her, was now with the women in his “dungeon” with her locked in a cage, almost to small for her, with no food, and no water. He was trying to talk to her, he tried to comfort her, he asked who her mother was, what she liked to do, if she had a boy-friend, but ,she completely ignored him. He was losing patience. He became more angry but did not pressure her, “ Can I ask you something?”she asked, her voice was shaky and weak, “ What?” he was startled that she was really talking, “ Why do you do this?” she questioned,he looked at her, paused, sighed and began to talk, “ In a nut-shell, I don 't like anyone and no one likes me.” They didn't speak from then on until the frighting you know that truth came out of the mouth of the kidnapper, “ You've got until noon tomorrow,” she looked up at him, “ for what?” she was thinking of the possibilities of what he meant “The end.” he claimed boldly. He then got up and went away to get his rifle. The next day, Ken and a few of his buddies planed to save the lady by noon,Ken was done gin over the plan to save his future girlfriend, “ OK, does everybody have the plan?” Grunts and moans replied, but when he started to go, no one followed except Bob the underdog. “ Really? All I have coming is, is, Bob?” He pointed to the board of a fellow, “ Fine, more credit for me.” He then headed of into the woods with Bob trailing along. “ Did you know that our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing?”Bob proclaimed, that stopped the silence,“ No”Ken answered “ OK, did you know that the Swiss flag is square?”he questioned again “ No”again he answered “ That's OK, Um, did you know that elephant's urine smells like liquorice?”he asked with a smug grin on his face “N- What? That's disgusting!! How do you know that?” by now,Ken had stopped walking and was standing, and towering over Bob. “ I read in my spare time.”He was smiling at his area of his expertise. Ken shrugged. They kept on walking until they heard something, they stopped at the noise, it was a gun shot they heard, then a scream, then they ran to the source of the sound. It was 11:50, 10 more minutes to go. Ken and Bob have found where the screaming was coming from. You would think that he was killing her early, but really, he was just practicing. “ Bob, let me do the busting and hurt'n, K?” He must have thought that he could actually save this lady from the criminal, but he just nodded and let Ken go first. When they were inside the old shed, they found out that there was also a basement that the shouting was coming from. He signaled some hand gestures telling him that he was going down. He busted through the door and yelled heroically, “ Stop!! I'm her to save you!” The prisoner had hope until her abductor unconsciously shot the gun in his direction, not aiming well, he thankfully missed. Ken screeched and fell down the stairs and then hid behind a crate. While the shooter was distracted by Ken, Bob slid down the stairs very quietly, to save the awaiting maiden. He got to where she was hidden by the evil man. He found the key and unlocked the cage, he pleaded to her to keep quiet. He told her to get to safety, he had to save Ken. He found an other gun, not as big, but he wasn't planning to hurt anyone. Ken was still hiding from the rifle as the man was shooting it, but tried to act bravely, “ I'm not scared of you,”Bobs friend stated ,frighted, an other fire, “ Ah, come and g,g,get me.”stuttered ken an other shot, very close. He stopped cowering when Bob was at the criminals side with the gun he had found,to his head. Calmly, cautiously and with bravery in his voice Bob said, “ Put the gun down, and put your hands behind your back,” not knowing what was going on, he obeyed these simple commands. The next day, Bob, Ken and Sue( the abducted lady ) were all over the papers. They where front page news for the rest of the month. Ken was not happy about what Bob did instead of him, but he lived with the publicity. The man who had kidnapped Sue,( Who now was Bob's girlfriend) was sent to jail for 2 years. Bob got hired into the detective agency and is being very well payed. They Actually stared on an episode of Oprah, and was offered to play themselves in a re-enactment of the kid-napping. So, as you can see, they lived very happily because one, they were, well, happy, and two, they were rich.

Hello PercyFan! This is a very developed plot line. One star I have for the writing is that you use interesting phrases throughout the story: "Fine, more credit for me", "he didn't want a cliche", and your description of Ken and then the fact that we know he's going to fail. That made the story interesting as I wanted to see how meek and mild Bob was going to save the day! Another star I have is that you included interesting science/life facts in the story in a plausible (real) way. Bob seems like the type to think along those lines and be interested in the world. A small wish I have is to make sure that when you include dialogue, we the reader know who is saying what. I found it confusing sometimes and had to go back and reread parts. A really good story with lots of thought put into making it interesting. Thanks. Mrs. Smith

Hey Percyfan I really enjoyed your story. 1 star - I liked the plot and the idea 1 star- Also like Mrs. Smith liked who you used real life issues I your story. 1 wish- some of the parts I got confused because yo kept on going back and forth from Bob and the man who abducted the woman also i'll have to agree with Mrs.Smith at some parts I didn't know who was talking remember to start a new paragraph when someone new is speaking. Thank you for your comments I will rephrase the going outside part!!

Hi Percyfan. 1 star - Your grouping of ideas is very good. You have a number of transitions that work well. You have organized your story chronologically. 1 wish - could you make your ending stronger somehow? What about showing us something rather than simply telling us? Mr. Saltys

Hi Percyfan. I really enjoyed your story. You do a good job of adding descriptive phrases that show rather than tell. Your story plot is well developed. My one wish is that in parts I found the story confusing to follow, because it flipped back and forth. - Mrs. Eitzen

The Impossible Truth by Angel Jenny forgot a bag in the car so I asked if she wanted me to go get it she said she wouldn't mind. I was walking to the car minding my own business when it hit me I was lying on the ground something had pierced my back. I was paralyzed in pain. //A knife// I thought. Questions rolled trough my head. Why had this happened? Who did this? How had this happened? I tried screaming for help, but it was no use I was slowly fading.

I was wondering what was taking Alexis so long. The car was parked near the apartment building. As I walked to the car I noticed there was a figure in the darkness. I crept to the car and the figure moved away. That's when I saw Alexis lying on the ground there was a knife in her back. I fell to the ground in shock. “ Wha........how.........why?” I said through sobs. I knew she was gone. I couldn't think straight. My tears came like water falls. I looked at her, her hair scattered on her face. Green eyes had no life. It was my fault. It was my fault she was dead. If I didn't accept her offer she would still be here, but would it have been me instead of her? I don't know. All I knew was I couldn't dial 911 without bursting into tears.

Life is black heartless. It had no meaning without Alexis she was everything to me. I had no other friend. We have been friends since I moved to Seattle when I was twelve. She walked me around the school and showed me where everything was. I had never really had a best friend because me and my mom moved where the work was. Finally my mom said this was going to be our last move she has said that before but never meant it. This time she did. Alexis helped me through tough times. We have birthdays one day apart hers is April 6th and mine is April 7th. We just turned 18 we thought for our birthday we would go to Seattle's finest mall. That's why I forgot a bag in the car. Days have been rainy, dark and cloudy. It's almost like the weather knows that I'm sad. It has been one month since Alexis died. I was coping with it pretty well, but what I needed to know was who did this to my innocent best friend, and why did they do it they had no reason to. She was the person who wouldn't hurt a fly. Then I remembered the figure in the darkness that night. Was it a him who did it or was it a her? A month later and I'm remembering my best friends potential killer. I __**HAVE**__ to tell the police. I jumped out of bed and got dressed. I told the police, but they said it wouldn't be much help it could have been a witness that hasn't come forward. As for finger prints there were none on the burgundy handle of the knife. I had to figure this out there had to be an explanation.

The next day in class a guy I never met came up to me and said he was sorry for my loss, “ Thanks.” I replied, “ She was my best friend.” I laughed thinking of memories we had. He smiled his green eyes sparkled and brown curly hair bounced. “ My name is Jeremy.” “ Nice to meet you my name is Jenny, well actually Jennifer.” He walked my to my net class as we talked. “ Well this is my class. See you.” I approached the door when a firm hand clasped my arm. I turned around as I yelped. “ Oh, sorry I'm so sorry are you okay?” he asked “ Uh yeah you just surprised me.” “ My hands are rather rough,” he replied, “ I just wanted to know if you wanted to see a movie later?” he asked nervously. “ I would love to.” I replied, but as he turned there was a small hint of fear in his eyes.

Days passed and Jeremy grew closer to me and I grew closer to him. He walked me home from school one day and he completely took me by surprise. He stopped in the middle of the side walk and grabbed my hand. “ Whats up?” I asked. “ Graduation is getting closer you know.” he answered, “ and I need to know if you will go with me.” he got a serious look on his face. I was truly surprised by the question. “ Well I don't know.” I teased he gave me a puzzled look “ Of course you take things too seriously.” I gave him a hug and he smiled the whole way home making me feel giddy on the inside.

I got home and went to the closet and looked. No dress, I need to get one I thought silently to myself I would have to ask my mom to help me.

I drove silently on the on the rainy road to my moms house. My mom moved up to the country which was a 2 hour drive to school and staying weekly in the city was not an option. My mom had faith in me and trusted me so I asked her if we could buy an apartment and moved in together. Since Alexis died my mom has been begging me to come home and be home schooled for the remaining two months, but I convinced her to let me stay. Although she said I could, I knew she wasn't pleased. I knocked on the door my mom opened the door and immediately gave my a welcoming hug. “ I knew you would change your mind.” she exclaimed. I pulled back from the hug. “ Uhhh..... Not exactly I needed to ask you if you would come with me back to the city to get a graduation dress. I didn't have anyone else to turn to.” She gave it a minute of thought. “ I don't know sweetie.” “ Please mom can you the graduation is only a month away. I need to get it now” I explained. “ I guess so sweetie.”

We walked into the store Proms and Things. I had to of tried on 26 dresses until I found the one. It was big at the bottom in a nice peach/pink colour. At the bottom the silk was clasped up so the tulle came out. It was strapless with a beaded top. “ This is the one.” my mom and me exclaimed together. We bought the shoes and clasp to go with it. //I wish Alexis cold see this// I thought. My mom and I were walking silently. I had to say something. “ Sooo...... Where is dad today?” I asked even though my parents aren't together they still talk like crazy. “ I think he's in Scotland at this time.” “ Work?” I asked “ Oh, I don't know. He's been so vague lately I hardly know anything about him.” She replied in a worried tone. That's really weird. Dad usually talks about every part of his life good or bad. This worried me there had to be something that he's not saying. “ Who's taking you to graduation?” This question surprised me. “ Ummm Jeremy Terian. Hes my- ummm – boyfriend.” I said nervously. “ Okay, tell him I would love to meet him and his parents.” She said which made me smile.

The drive home was even worse than the drive there. What was my dad hiding? I got home and checked the answering machine. “ You have 1 new message.” the voice said, I listen to the message. “ Hello Jenifer, it's officer John. We looked further in your friends murder, and found something, I'm sure you'll want to know.” My heart was beating they said they would call if they found anything, but I didn't think that would ever happen. I have to go down there. On the way I called Jeremy to come down, not knowing what was about to happen. Walked into the office where Officer John came to my side, “ Jenifer we had a witness come forward and they gave us some descriptions of your friends killer.” My heart stopped, //this means they can find this person// I thought. “ The descriptions were a male about 6 feet tall had dark curly hair and was dressed in all black. I don't know if you know anyone who has these characteristics, but I thought if you did you could give me a call.” he told me. His words rolled through my head as Jeremy walked in. “ No!” I said, “ It can't be! No, no ,no ,no!” I started feeling dizzy then a dark blanket washed over me.

I woke up on the police stations floor. I tried standing up, Jeremy and Officer John stopped me. “ You hit your head on the floor when you got told the characteristics of your friends murderer.” then everything came flooding back, Jeremy was her killer he fits every description. “ You … you killed my best friend!” I spat out at Jeremy “ You hit your head Jennifer.” Jeremy replied he was stern. He never uses my full name it's always Jen. “ Yes I did, but it wasn't that hard.” I could see defeat in his eyes.

Minutes later he was being questioned. All I could think is that this man had killed my friend and hurt me so bad! He was the nicest person and comforted me when I thought about Alexis. They called me in. “ Jen-” I cut him off by holding my hand up. “ Do you really think that you could get away with this. I mean you were always there for me. Then … then this thing.” I burst into tears I couldn't handle this first my best friend was murdered then her murderer became my boyfriend. “ Jen please listen to me I didn't mean to hurt anyone and certainly not you if I could go back-” “ Don't even say you wouldn't have killed her you had a reason.” “ You want the real reason things were happening between her and someone I knew.” he replied. “ So you killed her. How could you even consider something like that?” I asked blinking back tears. “ He asked me to-to kill her. He said she couldn't be alive anymore. She knew something big about him. He also told me if I didn't do it he would kill me.” he answered trembling. “ You need to tell me who this person is. Tell me.” “ Your dad.” I collapsed in tears. This couldn't be true my … my dad told someone to kill my best friend. Everything around me seemed like slow motion. I got past all that and asked him, “ Why?” I asked “ When your parents first split up your dad got married and they had a step child he adored. One day she was out on her bike and Alexis' parents accidentally hit her and she died in the hospital days later. Your dad was so mad and held a grudge against her. And he thought they should get a taste of their own medicine. Your dad put up a flier asking for help so I replied. I wasn't signing up for this at all believe me!” I could see tears in his eyes. I sat on the chair in the room and started crying.

I called my mom to tell her what had happened. “ Hello?” my mom answered. “ Hi mom.” I managed to croak. “ Sweetie? What's wrong? Tell me everything.” I told her everything she was crying too. She said she would be down there immediately. She got to the station and we told them where my dad was. He along with Jeremy were arrested and sent to jail. Knowing this reassured me, but didn't make me feel any better. I moved back with my mom and all memories of Jeremy were tossed in the garbage.

Angel your story is awesome! 2 stars 1 wish i wish that at the end of the story you told us what happened with the dad. along with Jeremy.
 * i love the plot.
 * you gave really good discription.

hi angel!, 1 star- i loved how you told the story in one perspective and then changed perspectives after the first paragraph. ! star- I like how Jeremy was the murderer, 1 wish- the same ass princess purple said. to tell more about the dad percyfan1

Princess purple continued...

Drown In Lies by Princess purple As I watch the last bubbles of air escape her lips. Her eyes dull,their sparkle gone. Her short hair a sandy halo around her head. Her skin turns cold and icy. //Come back!// I call yet in her body there is no presence. No life. She's gone. Lost forever to the murky green water of the sea. Then as if by magic her hand lifts, but it's only the water washing up against the sandy shoreline.

The salty water rolls off my face along with my tears. I now realize I am truly alone. She loved the water as if it were a friend. She knew it's dangers but chose to ignore them. She was a good swimmer though so I don't think she drown normally...

So me alone with no family of any sorts went to live off in Wheretheheckistan. I was put with my long lost Auntie Karen. Yippee for me. I now more than ever believe my mother had not drowned in the sea. At night in my dreams I keep seeing her having phone calls yelling and stressing at whoever was on the other line. Seems just like in the movies where my mom was forced to meet this mysterious someone and was murdered.

Seems like a black and white case no? Well it's not I have to somehow find out who this mysterious person is. Theres an issue, I'm in Wheretheheckistan. My home and my mothers resting place are miles away.

I'll tell you a bit about my trip. Auntie is very nice. We don't talk much though, we both need our space. She makes me pancakes in the morning. Her house is nice a little cottage a few miles from town. Auntie Karen doesn't believe in teachers. She says she wants to know exactly what I am learning, and what better way than to teach me herself.

Now I have to find a good excuse to give to Auntie to let me go home. I ended up telling her I had left a few //“very important belongings”// at home. Before I get into that story I will tell you a bit about myself. My name is Madelina Jones. My father left my mother and I when I was little. It is a shame I don't even remember his face. Mom used to tell me I am the spitting image of him.

My Aunt and I were on a plane to Mexico, my home town. When we got through the door I looked around. The house was totally empty. No pictures, no furniture. Nothing. It didn't seem like home. I walked into my old bedroom. The lemon yellow walls were faded and bare. My normally messy closet empty. The leak from my window was making marks. I told Auntie she could go to town. I'd call her when I wanted to get picked up.

Her figure retreated out the door. She was gone. I looked in all the obvious places. Nothing. There was a sparkle. I walked toward it. Then I saw it a knife, between the floorboards. If we hadn't taken out all the furniture I never would have noticed. I picked it up with my sweater over my hand. There was something on it I looked closer...

Oh my gosh. It was blood. It was dried and crusty. Yet it was still blood. My mother's blood. Next thing I know I'm on the beach again. I see something I missed before. The watery trail of red coming from my mom's neck. As soon as I got to the beach I was back home. I searched my mind for any possible suspects. Anyone my mom had been in contact with for the two weeks before her death. The only person I remember her with was Auntie Karen. They had a lot of arguments. Auntie didn't approve of the way mom was raising me. Cell phone, any kind of technology. She didn't like how I was able to chose my own friends. She didn't approve of my freedom. Of course my mom argued against that. She felt I should have control over my own life.

Then it dawned on me,Aunt Karen. Then I was at the door. Just like I was a few days ago. The day of my mother's death. My Aunt was at the door. “Can I talk to your mom?” she asked. Mom came to the door. Auntie walked out along with mom. It was getting late and mom wasn't back yet. I was getting nervous mom always came home before 10:00pm. It was 12:00 now I went to bed. There was a noise a strangled cry, it stopped suddenly. My Aunt came into my room “Hon, your mom said she's gonna be a bit longer. I'm goin' home now. Call if you need me.” she walked out.

I was back. That morning I'd found mom she'd been tied to our dock so I would find her. I inspected the knifes handle. //Karen.// Another flashback, it was Christmas. Auntie was opening her gift from my father. As the blue tissue paper was ripped off... the engraved knife, I it's stained and polished wood shining. I called Aunt Karen, to tell her I was ready for her to come and get me. She walked through the red door a moment later. “Honey, did you find what you were looking for? I got some fresh crab for dinner tonight. You like that?” “ I found something though,” I pulled out the knife, the name Karen clearer than ever. “Do you remember this? My Father gave this to you one Christmas. You want to know what I found on it? Dried blood, maybe this weapon belongs to the murderer of my mom.” Aunt Karen had tears in her eyes. “Maybe...” she croaked. “ Auntie why? Why did you kill my mother. What did she do to you to deserve this?” I asked, coming to stand next to her. She looked at me, eyes glassy and glazed with sorrowful tears. She took a deep breath. “Your mom would always be telling me how wonderful your father was, and how fantastic you were. One night I was talking to your mom on the phone. She told me you got dumped by your first boyfriend and were really depressed about it. I thought to myself, if you were my child I wouldn't have let you have a boyfriend. Saving you the sorrow. Your Mom and I had lots of conversations like that. I wanted a child, but I never could find the right guy. When your father died, well that was one more thing she could no longer brag about. Your mom was always the perfect girl. Popular, beautiful, all the things I never seemed to be. I never approved of her teaching methods for you, as you must know. I think I also wanted to relive my younger days if I made all your choices it would be like being a teenager once again. The night before your Mom's death I came over. I told your Mom if the stress of having you was too much, I would take you in. Of course she said no. I got mad and told her how she was always Miss. Perfect. She argued against me. I was so mad. I had the knife and...” as she got to the end she cried.

Aunt Karen confessed to the murder and I was sent to my father's brother in New York. The place was a nice apartment building. As I unpacked my things, I got out a picture of my mom and dad. I smiled at them and I swear their grins got wider.

HeyPrincessPurple WISH - That maybe you could put another character in it to give it a twist(Just an idea) awesome story, Angel!
 * I love your story I like how you basically explained the story in the middle, but use present to explain
 * Good idea of a mystey

hello princess purple! 1 star-you were very discriptive i star- I like the ending- I got out a picture of my mom and dad. I smiled at them and i swear their grins got wider. 1 wish to correct the very few puncuation errors. percyfan1