MysteryRoom3

**Hi Thunder, Sara and bobodia! **

Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page! This is the sweet spot to post your best effort at writing a mystery! This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other stories you read. **Two stars are positive things** you see in the story and **your wish is constructive feedback ** on how to specifically improve the story. So, to recap....which means go over again, post your story here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the story better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you!

this is my story!

**What A Thief**
 * By**
 * Thunder**

**I was walking down the street down by the bank, and saw the glass bank window was broken. I reported this as soon as possible. Hello everyone, my name is Annalise. I have to now solve the mystery of a bank robbery in Los Angeles. I am now one block away from the robbery right now, I looked at everyone, they looked so curious. I was thinking about two months ago two girls walked up and introduced themselves their names, were Suzy, and Roxie. While I was going to the crime scene, A.K.A the bank. I looked at the two girls named Suzy, and Roxie. They look so sad that most of the money in the bank was gone, I didn't know for a second how they knew but apparently it was announced on the news, even that I was investigating, but at the same time they looked guilty at the same time too though. There were a lot of people trying to solve this crime. I am now in the crime scene investigating. I was looking around and found a black glove. I can not tell because of one glove though. Just because I see a glove doesn't mean that I can tell who it belongs to. Some people are investigating, and some people are trying to fight with the guards to get in, and I was thinking about why would anyone want to rob the bank? They only took five hundred thousand, there was 1 million dollars in the bank. Then as I was thinking some more and got thinking very hard and then remembered that there was a new truck at the ford company that was five hundred thousand. I remembered and then I looked through the bush to Roxie and Suzy, They had one of those new trucks in red. Then I looked into a corner and saw a Braclet, they only made two of those braclets in the Roxy store. The only girls with that kind of braclet was Roxie, and Suzy becuase they would spend all of the big bucks, I needed to think about who would have done such a thing. Nothing came to my mind, I followed where Suzy, and Roxie went. There were wet footprints by the bank. I remembered that Suzy, and Roxie walked into a puddle of water. That wasn't that much help, because they both have the same shoes too. I was sitting thinking that if one of them had a different object. I did some investigating, I didn't think of anything, but I went up to Suzy, and Roxie, Roxie was shaking. So was Suzy, but as Suzy was asking me if I found out who robbed the bank, she was shivering, and studdering as she was talking. I told her that I didn't find out who did it, not thinking about who I was talking to. I was not paying attention at all! This is quite a hard crime to solve, can you help me?**

**How did I solve it?**


 * Since I saw that Sally, and Roxie have the new ford truck in red I almost knew that they were the ones that took it because there were only people that have that Ford truck. Sally, and Roxie could not afford the ford truck, everybody else who has the for truck were rich, The people who robbed the bank were.... Sally, and Roxie.**

Thunder 2 stars-I licked the way you started your story and the why you endid it. One wish-keep opening and closing your story good! Bobodia

Hi Thunder! One star I have for you is that you tried to add a lot of details and false clues to lead the reader away from who did it; a glove, wet footprints. One wish I have for you is to try and not begin as many sentences with "I". See if your teacher can help you think of other ways to get your sentence started. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Mrs.Smith

The Robbery By Sara

On Monday night I got a message. It said, “There has been a robbery and we need your assistance immediately!”

At midnight the alarms sounded, and a loud crash was heard as the window shattered at the 3rd Street Jewelry Store. All of the street lights were on. The police came around the corner with their lights on and sirens going. I arrived immediately behind them.

I began to investigate the crime scene. The only thing missing was the very rare black diamond necklace. It was worth one million dollars and had just arrived that morning. I began my investigation. As I looked around I saw a possible finger print on the door knob and told them to scan it into the system.

As everyone was gathering evidence, I went around the back side of the store. I walked down the street and could see a group of teenagers sitting beside a dumpster. As I approached them, they scurried to the front street and I recognized my neighbor’s son, Josh. I opened the dumpster and inside, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something shiny. I put on my rubber gloves and pulled out the necklace but the clasp had been broken off. I put it into an evidence bag and went back to the store. They had scanned the finger print. I took out the necklace and scanned it too. They were both the same. Now, all I had to do was find the person that matched the print. I had a good idea that it was one of the teenagers from the alley. They were standing in a group out front watching the investigators.

I grabbed the police and scanner and approached them. We started scanning the teenagers’ fingers for prints that matched the ones we found. The next we scanned was Josh. I noticed something shiny on his sweater. As I scanned his finger, the scanner went Beep, Beep, Beep!!!

Can you guess if Josh is the jewelry thief?

It was Josh who stole the necklace. His print matched and the clasp from the necklace was on his sweater.

Sara 2 stars- I rilly licked your story I thought it was very discriptiv the story pulls you in as you read it! One wihs-keep making your storys ausum Bobodea

Hi Sarah! One star I have for your story is that it was very easy to follow and logical. The plot made sense. One wish I have for your writing is to vary your sentence openings by not always using "I" to begin them. Thanks for sharing. Mrs.Smith

The mystery of the orphan by Bobodia

A little boy (Timmy) who was sitting in a corner of the orphanage he thought to himself “I wonder

where my mom is? I wonder what she looks like?” Timmy answered to Clara the young woman who worked at the orphanage, “It's time for your interview...”. “OK,” mumbled Timmy, “Do I have too?” “Yes

Timmy you have too,” sighed Clara. “I don't want too Clara,” cried Timmy. “I know you don't want too but you have too,” remarked Clara.

“Oh fine ill be there in a sec,” OK as Clara left the room Timmy ran to his bed in the orphanage I know

ill run away thought Timmy an so Timmy grabbed his nap-sack and a cupola other things after Timmy

thought he had everything Clara coled him agen Timmy are you coming Timmy yelled in a mint before

Clara could answer back Timmy was out the door and gone.

Hi Bobodia! One star I have for your story is that I can hear the characters actually speaking. What they are saying sounds real and I can tell that Timmy is very unhappy. One wish I have for you is that you would finish this story. What is the problem for Timmy? How will he solve it? Is there a mystery about his Mom? Who will help him solve it? Thanks for sharing. Mrs.Smith

Hello Bobodia! two stars i love how you started the story, A little boy (Timmy) who was sitting in a corner of the orphanage he thought to himself “I wonder where my mom is? I wonder what she looks like?” I also like how you ended your story, "Clara could answer back Timmy was out the door and gone." one wish, my only wish to you is that you keep writing your story.

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